Brothers and sisters, you know we always like to start with something a little interesting, little interesting, and I heard a little story.
The Mom was at church, she came with her little daughter and all of a sudden the little girl started feeling a little sick. She said to her Mom, “Mommy, I need to go; can we go?” Mommy said, “Honey, we can’t go right now, it’s in the middle of service! We can’t go!” “Well Mommy, I think I’m going to throw up, I feel really sick,” the girl said. “Alright honey, this is what you do. You go outside of the church and go around to the back and there’s a bunch of bushes there. In the bushes, go do your thing, okay, and then come back.”
After just about 45 seconds, a very short amount of time, the little girl returned to her seat. The Mom said, “Honey, did you do your thing? Did you do your business?” The girl said, “Yes, I did it! I did it! I feel fantastic right now!” And Mom said, “Honey, how did you make it back so quick? How did you make it back in 45 seconds?”
The little girl said, “Well, Mommy, I didn’t have to go outside; right next to the front door there was a box that said FOR THE SICK. I did it there.” [Laughter]
Sermon: In God’s Hands / July 11, 2009
I heard a story about a man. His name was Henry. He was very old and was now on his deathbed. He was right about to pass into the spirit world. There he was lying in his bed, very frail and weak. All of a sudden he smelled this incredible fragrance. He thought: “What is this incredible smell?” And then he came to think of it. It was his favorite chocolate chip cookies!
So, he said: “You know what, before I go to heaven I’m going to get myself a cookie, there might not be any in heaven!” He was very frail and wobbly. He must have gathered all his strength to get out of the bed. He walked all the way down the stairs, almost tripping down. He got to the kitchen and saw on the kitchen table about a hundred of his favorite chocolate chip cookies! Absolutely heaven! He thought that this must be heaven.
He walked into the kitchen, he was reaching his hand towards the beautiful, delicious, fragrant cookies and all of a sudden his hand was smacked! As he looked over, he saw his wife standing with a spatula. She said: “Henry, stay out of those. Those are for the funeral!”
Sermon: Seeing Your Destiny / July 4, 2009
I heard a story about Arthur and Mary. They were going to get married so they went to meet Arthur’s parents.
After dinner, they were having a wonderful time. There were some interesting situations that occurred during dinner.
On the drive back, Mary says to Arthur, “Arthur, I never told you this but I am an atheist and I never believed in hell. But you know what, honey, after meeting your mum I think I believe in it now. We’re not getting married.” That’s what she said!
Oh my God, that’s a little scary! We love our mothers-in-law, come on!
Sermon: Desiring the Promise / June 20th, 2009
You know before we start we always like to start with something a little interesting.
I heard a story about a man who went to confession, and he said, “Father, forgive me for I have sinned!” The priest asked, “Well, what is your sin my son?” The man started, “You know this week, I used some terrible, awful, terrible language, and I feel absolutely terrible.” “When did you use this awful language, my son? “ the priest asked. “Well, you know, I was golfing,” the man said, “and I hit an incredible drive, and it looked like it was going to go 250 yards but it struck a power line that was hanging over the green and fell straight down on the ground only after about 100 yards.” “Is that when you swore, when you used bad language?” “No, Father, after that a squirrel ran out of the bushes, grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away.” “Is that when you used bad language my son?”
“No, Father, you see, the squirrel was running away and the eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in its talons and flew away.” “Is that when you used bad language my son?” “No, Father, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew towards the green, and as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball.” “Is that when you swore then? That’s when you swore, isn’t it?” “No, because, you see, the ball fell, it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within 6 inches of the hole!” The priest said,” So, I see, you missed the putt!” (Applause) Oh! You got it today! Oh! You golf lovers, you got it!
Sermon: Supernatural Preparation / June 13th, 2009
I heard an interesting story about a mother and her daughter Isabel.
They were sitting at church one day, and the pastor was very inspired. He was talking about a certain topic, and the sermon went on for 30 minutes, for an hour, an hour and half, and he kept on being very inspired and kept on preaching.
Isabel became very visibly disturbed, she was getting a little impatient and frustrated. Mom kept on saying: “Shh, he is speaking!” Finally, Isabel pulled on her mom’s arm with an angry face and said:
“Mom, give him the money now, so that we can go!”
Sermon: United We Stand / May 23, 2009
Before we start sharing words, I always like to start with something a little interesting.
It was preaching time, and the preacher came up and was talking about forgiveness, forgiving your enemies. The preacher asked for a show of hands, “Who is ready to forgive your enemies?” About 50% of the congregation raised their hands, “I’m ready.”
The minister continued on, about 20 minutes, and then asked again, “Who is now ready to forgive their enemies?” About 80% of the people, but there were a couple of people not raising their hands. He went on again for another 15 minutes, asked the question again, “Now who is ready to forgive their enemies?” EVERYBODY raised their hands except for one person. The person’s name was Mr. Jones.
The preacher asked Mr. Joes “Are you not willing to forgive your enemy? Everyone here is will to forgive their enemies? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?” Mr. Jones says, “I don’t have any enemies.” “Mr. Jones, this is very unusual,” the preacher said. “I know you’re 86 years old, it’s almost impossible to live your live without making a single enemy. Can you come up here and explain how you lived that long without making a single enemy, without having one enemy in the world.”
Mr. Jones teetered up to the front and briefly explained, “It’s very easy. I’ve outlived them all!” (Laughter)
Sermon: Standing up in Faith / May 16, 2009